Grading myself...

President Obama, in an interview with 60 Minutes, was asked to grade himself on the last year…he gave himself a solid B+. To me, an A would mean stellar performance, and I have to agree that his was lacking a bit. This got me thinking…what grade would I give myself for 2009? There were so many facets to my life in 2009, I would give myself a C-. There were more than a few areas that I was more than a bit lacking!

-Chris, his family, marriage – my actions at the time were based on the information I had at the time. I still don’t approve of Chris’ behavior, although I wish I would have talked to him more, perhaps by talking to him, putting things into perspective for all of us, I could have helped him through the situation better. Our relationship is on the mend, so 2010 will be a time for healing.

-Although I am doing ok in my classes, I believe I could have done better. I strive for straight A’s…did I ever get all A’s, no. I discussed this with my coach and she said that none of my future clients will ever ask me what my grades in school were prior to me giving them a massage. They will just assume that because I am doing massage in a professional capacity via certification, I know what I am doing. True, but why strive for mediocrity?? How can I expect less of myself? I just have to remember not to beat myself up (too badly!). I am expected to finish school at the end of June. I simply have to continue, for the next 6 months, to try my best, always. That is one of the Four Agreements, always do your best!

-I didn’t visit my parents as much as I should have. I miss my mom terribly, and even though we talk at least every other day, I still need to make an effort to go over more. I live on the other side of town from them, and I don’t like for them to make the trip driving. I used to go over and give my mom manicures, and though I have no idea how to actually give a manicure, just spending time with her, touching her hands, filing her nails, applying a new, fresh coat of nail polish (always in a bright color!), made her feel good. I know she cherished the moments as did I.

-I made a friend over the summer, what I thought was a quality relationship. I enjoyed her company immensely, our conversations about everything and nothing will remain with me always, however, she had some issues that I was unable to deal with. Perhaps that is more a reflection of me, than of her...so be it. As abruptly as it began, it ended. Bottom line, we cannot be friends, and because of this fact, it still haunts and remains in my thoughts. I pray that in time, we are healed.

-While I don’t have too much control over my work situation, as far as what my duties are, I have taken the attitude that my days here are numbered. Why put that out there? As in all things, I cannot change others, I can only control myself, my actions, my attitude, my perceptions, and deal with those. Why not entertain the possibility that I could work at my current employer? I would keep my seniority, still enjoy the many perks that come with the job, and just do something different. As a matter of fact, there are 3 openings in massage right now, part time, so I could still build up my own clientele while maintaining a job. At least until I decide where this is taking me. Change my thinking, change my life.

I talked in a previous entry about new year resolutions, and quite frankly, I don’t make them…my sense is why not start now, today. Why wait until the new year? Its like saying you will start a diet on Monday, then binging the weekend before!

There aren’t many people who know I am attending Massage Therapy school, and when I do tell them (friends and family), they are almost always surprised. Do they not think I can do it? Do they think I am too old to be embarking on such a change in careers? Do they just think my goals are too lofty? In any case, it kind of makes me think twice or second guess…not that I’m going to change my mind because I am too deeply embedded in it to quit. However, I hope I don’t give off the aura of being “haughty” with what I am doing. A colleague at work asked me about my weekend, and did I do anything special. She is one of the few who know about my other life, and we were talking about the marathon so I mentioned that I had given massages to the runners coming off the finish line…I wish I had a camera to capture the look on her face. Not that she was surprised that I am doing it, maybe just surprised that I could do it. She asked me if I was comfortable with it. Hmmm, maybe I’m being too sensitive. Every muscle in my body aches today!!

It started out being a cool morning, overcast, and it has turned out to be a pretty sunny day. It is supposed to be 70F on Wednesday! Go figure…talk soon…