Timely tamales...probably not...

I rarely, if ever, ask anyone for anything. I just don't. One of my biggest "issues" is rejection. Even if the person I'm asking has a perfectly legitimate reason for not being able to accommodate my request, I take it personally. In the book, The Four Agreements, one of the agreements (belief system) is don't take it personally. It is one that was probably made for us at a young age; it is a belief we hold true, even if it isn't. That is one of the agreements with myself that I have to change...it comes from the past, perhaps when I was younger, I asked and was repeatedly turned down...I don't know, I just know - I hardly ever ask. Oh, and the other agreements: Always do your best (even when I feel it isn't good enough) hey, who can ask any more than that from you; Keep your word (integrity); Don't assume (yeah, we all know what happens when you do that!).

When I had to find two people to massage for today's' final, I asked my brother-in-law, Bob, because I knew he would give me honest feedback, and I knew he was free this morning (my sister told me!). He's never had a massage before, and he was excited for the opportunity. This morning, at 6:30 am, he called to tell me he was not feeling well. He may have Meniere Disease, a disease of the inner ear which causes vertigo with symptoms like heart palpitations, sweating, dizzy, weakness, etc. It seems he has been getting bouts like this more frequently, and he just didn't feel comfortable driving over to the school in this condition. I told him it was fine, and I didn't want massage to exacerbate the problem, which it can do by triggering the circulatory and cardiovascular systems to go into overdrive, which could then lead to other issues. Now the problem was to find someone to take his place...in 2 hours! Glen was already scheduled at 11 am. I wasn't stressing yet, but I texted a classmate who had an abundance of volunteers, and asked her if I could have one of her people. She called me back to tell me that she had been in ER until 4 am today with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which she was just diagnosed with on Tuesday. PCOS is a condition that specifically targets the ovaries, but affects all the body systems. Jessica hadn't slept much, was on some heavy pain meds, and in a severe amount of pain. I didn't know that, or I wouldn't have asked. Jessica scheduled a person for me!! Even with everything going on with her, she helped me out. She could have easily said, "sorry, I'm not feeling well, this is whats going on....." but she didn't. I am so grateful!

In all the chaos, I asked Glen if he would consider coming in at 9:30 am, which would buy me some time to find another person to fill the 11 am slot. He said, "my appointment is at 11 am". I said fine. I know he was kidding, and would have gladly honored my request, but in my emotional state, I just couldn't handle it. Then I beat myself up for even asking..."I am so selfish for even asking Glen to change his time...I allowed my situation to become his emergency...what is wrong with me...how dare I?" I was already taut with nerves for the test, then to have the plans change, then they changed again...it was way more than I could handle. I quickly pulled myself together and thought, "I'll deal with this later because right now, I just don't have time!" In any case, it all worked out, but I can still feel the emotions right under the surface. I need to have a good cry. I need to talk this through with myself. I need to breathe. What a day, but its over...2 quarters down, 2 to go!

My sisters, mom and I will start the tamales at 9 am tomorrow. I can guarantee we won't start until 10, but I have to be there on time regardless, because, well, its my sister. Today, the plan was to shred the tamale meat...be there at 5 pm...I was there at 5:10, we started at 6:30 because they were eating. These people operate on their own schedule...now, do you think I'll ever ask if they can just try to be on time...heck no!!

Talk soon...